Too Much TV
by WithDemonWings
Summary: Spike and Xander have been watching too much television, namely NCIS, and they find several familiar faces. Crack, with a splash of smut.


**06.07 Collateral Damage**

Xander rushed into the living room when he heard the deep, gasping, choking cough.

'Spike?' he asked in confused concern, as he dropped next to the choking vampire.

The blonde just pointed to the screen.

'What?' he asked, mystified by the reaction of Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.

'It's Ethan!' Spike finally managed.

'Who?' Xander was less concerned

'Ethan, you uncultured pillock, Ethan Winthrope!' Spike snarled.

Xander blinked at Spike, utterly baffled as to who, exactly his blonde vampire was talking about.

'He's a bank manager now, I told him that Gwen was no good for him, but did he listen? Always go for the dark haired, dark eyed, slightly disturbed beauty,' he pouted.

'Okay, when did you enter a different reality, because this is seriously weirding me out, and all things considered, that's saying something.' Xander replied, completely lost.

'Passions! You useless nob!' Spike threw his hands up in frustration.

Xander's confusion cleared and he smirked, 'oh, _that_ Ethan, geez Spike, why didn't you just say so?'

Spike glared at Xander before beating him with a pillow, 'pillock!'

'Was that the first Ethan, or the second one?' Xander asked laughing as he tried to dodge Spike's assault.

'Shut up!' Spike pouted.

'It's been two years, and he's just an actor, he was bound to move on,' Xander offered.

'But, a bank manager?' he whined.

'This is a very good show, we've spent the last three weeks watching the last five seasons. We have two seasons left, we are not stopping now because you think this is a bad career move.'

'But its Ethan,' he whined again.

'But it's Tony! And Abby! And Gibbs!' Xander whined back.

'And Ziva!' Spike added.

'Besides, those two guys from Castle have been on it and Claire and Derek and Sawyer and Locke and the Alien Bounty Hunter that tried to kill Mulder and that guy that looked like Gates and Jayne and Abigail Breslin!'

'Okay, I get your point.' Spike replied with a laugh.

'Hey, I've only just made it to season 2, I think.' Xander protested half-heartedly.

'Yes well, if we're going to finish anytime in the near future, we best start watching,' Spike stated, slumping onto the couch.

With a glance at the screen Xander realized why.

'Oh for the love of all things supernatural! Ethan would not go after someone like that!' Spike blurted as DiNozzo grumped at the camera he'd been handed.

Xander couldn't help but snicker.

_**06.17 South by Southwest  
**_

Spike came running into the living room when he heard the deep rumbling choking cough.

'What?' he asked dropping next to Xander to pat him on the back.

'It's Lance!' he blurted, pointing to the screen.

'Who?' Spike blinked in confusion, though this conversation seemed oddly familiar.

'Lance,' Xander repeated, like it would help, 'Lance Henrickson,' he took a long drink, hoping to sooth his

Spike blinked at Xander.

'You know, that guy with the voice, Pumpkinhead, Alone in the Dark 2, voice of Braniac in "Braniac Attacks", Frank Black, Bishop!' the last one he almost shouted.

'Oh, him, why didn't you just say so pet?' Spike replied with a smirk.

Xander glowered at Spike before he crossed his arms and slouched on the couch; he was _not_ pouting or sulking.

Spike leaned over and gently kissed those pursed lips.

'Who wouldn't want to be in this show?' he whispered as he kissed his way to Xander's throat.

Xander moaned and tried to resist.

Then Spike nipped at that spot just behind his ear, and his hand was in Xander's pants and the brunet melted into the couch.

They shuffled themselves around so Xander was on his back, his pants around his knees that were up around his ears.

Spike was thrusting into him as Xander scrabbling at Spike's back.

'Spike,' he groaned as he coated them both in his spunk and Spike coated his channel as he bit Xander's neck.

The pair lay panting for a moment, 'shall we rewind this episode or start the next one?' Spike asked with a satisfied exhaustion clear in his voice and the lazy thrusts into Xander.

'Don't care,' Xander replied, 'just, cramping,' he muttered as he tried to straighten his legs out.

Spike kissed his pet roughly as he gently pulled out of that hot channel, both of them moaned.

Xander rolled onto his side after Spike pulled Xander's pants off and use them to clean them up.

He tossed them the floor before laying behind Xander, with a few careful moves, Spike was embedded in Xander again, not for the sex, neither really wanted it at the moment, sated from the earlier round. Xander clinched around Spike and sighed, comfortable and safe wrapped up in Spike and around him.

He fell asleep to DiNozzo demanding that whoever stole his wallet return it now!

**Colonel Merton Bell**

Both Xander and Spike inhaled sharply as they recognized the man that appeared on the screen.

'Doggett!'

'T-1000!'

They stared at each other for a moment, before starting to laugh.

'There are too many people that just show up in this show,' Xander stated, before he began to point frantically at the screen.

'That's... that's...'

'Yes that is her of the horror movie and that his him from that lame vampire show, Angel is by far the broodiest of the broody vampires, Eric however... he reminds me of someone...' Spike replied, going thoughtful at the end.

'Gee, I wonder who?' Xander offered with a snort.

'Let's stop playing this "Hey, That's..." game and just enjoy this show,' Spike offered, nuzzling Xander's neck.

'Yes, let's,' Xander replied.

_**Fin**_

_Yes, I have been watching NCIS and yes, I did the, "Hey, that's Ethan! At least I think it is," thing, so... And, yes, Seamus Dever, Jon Huertas, Emile de Raven, Derek de Lint, Josh Holloway, Terry O'Quinn, Brian Thompson, Leonard Roberts, Adam Baldwin and Abigail Breslin and everyone else I've mentioned have all been in NCIS. It's a very fine show! _

_And I didn't watch all of Passions, I wanted to strangle what's her name who had Sheridan in the basement and then Little Ethan was an infant and then suddenly he was like 6... so uh, sorry for any misinformation I may have about "Passions" it was a very fine show. _


End file.
